


Innocence and Insanity

by ibelieveinguardianangels



Category: Alexander (2004)
Genre: Assassination Attempt(s), Betrayal, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26531779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibelieveinguardianangels/pseuds/ibelieveinguardianangels
Summary: This is my take on what happened after Philotas' assassination attempt in Persia. ONE-SHOT. COMPLETE.
Kudos: 7





	Innocence and Insanity

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Fanfiction.net on September 21, 2014
> 
> No beta, so all mistakes are mine.

“Fret not, my beloved Alexander,” General Hephaistion’s voice was soft as he crouched low in front of his lover, a scratch atop of his calloused hand that rested gently on his king’s knees just below his white chiton, “for those blasphemers shall rot in the dunnest smoke of Hades, frowned on by our dear ancestors Achilles and Patroclus.” As his beloved king glanced down, their eyes connecting, Hephaistion’s heart ached as he saw the confusion in his beautiful, watery brown orbs, the uncertainty and pain that stemmed from the situation. “By the Gods,” Hephaistion hissed, leaning a little closer to him, “Should they ever rise again they shall be banished immediately to the utmost secluded location known to both man and eternal being surrounded only by insects too poisonous to eat and wine so stale one sip shall cause them to keel over instantly”.

“I do not understand, Hephaistion, why they should attempt such treachery” Alexander’s eyes, which had strayed momentarily to where Bagoas, the Persian eunuch, was standing, his head bowed, his back to the burgundy curtains that hung in the doorway blocking the falling rain outside from view and keeping in what little heat they had, locked on Hephaistion; he blinked rapidly, trying to rid them of the excess moisture before it betrayed him and fell down his cheeks, “If they found they had an issue, or even disagreed with my way of thinking, why did they not simply speak with me about it? Am I truly that disagreeable that they feel they cannot speak with me?”

The general removed his hands from the king’s knees, batting his brown tresses out of his eyes, he reached forward, taking the king’s hands in his own, “My beloved king, of course not.” He breathed, resisting the temptation to push the blonde hair from Alexander’s face, “How easy it is to converse with you, only,” Hephaistion paused mid-sentence, as though contemplating what he was about to say, “When you have your battle head on, it can be rather difficult to reach you and penetrate those stubborn thoughts.”

“I did not have my ‘battle head on’, Hephaistion,” Alexander bitterly quoted his friend with a sigh, “I was thinking only of my love for you,” Hephaistion couldn’t help but smile at this notion, “And the beauty of this area we have landed in and conquered. Such beauty should be treasured,” Alexander looked away from Hephaistion, his wet eyes dancing around the room, “I believed the army would be pleased that we had made it this far.”

“The army grows restless, Alexander,” Hephaistion stood slowly, removing his hands from Alexander’s trembling grip and resting them firmly on his shoulders, looking directly into his eyes, “they miss their families.” He further explained, “Some have children; wives too that they wish to see. They know not which battle should be their last; they wish to visit their wives and children one more time in case they cannot see them again.” Hephaistion attempted to reason with the king, seeing the expression on his face.

“And to find that possible, they should try and kill their king?” Alexander questioned incredulously, “I had it in my mind that we were equal in this. We were all equals,” Alexander rose, standing in front of Hephaistion, “Not a king and his army, but friends that simply battle together against a common enemy. Was I mistaken to believe that we all even stood a chance of being friends?”

“Of course not, Alexander,” Hephaistion assured him, stepping slightly closer, “But some have tactics that are far too extreme. The army are friends, but even the closest of friends have disagreements.” Instantly, Hephaistion knew he had made a mistake in his choice of words.

“This is not a disagreement, Hephaistion,” The king snapped decidedly, clearly exasperated, “This is downright blasphemy!”

“You cannot form a judgement on your entire army based on the actions of two,” Hephaistion stated, folding his arms and stepping away from the king, “We are your friends, Alexander; we have been friends since we were all just boys. Were we to know that two of our own would attempt to commit an act so treacherous?” Hephaistion questioned, “The answer is no, Alexander,” Hephaistion stated before the king had a chance to respond, “We were not to know that something so awful would cross through the minds or our friends.”

“They are not my friends, Hephaistion; they were very nearly my murderers.” Alexander stated, closing the gap between the pair, his eyes dancing around the room for a moment before returning to Hephaistion, “Do you think the same?” He questioned suddenly, taking Hephaistion by surprise, “That it would be best if I were not here? Would you attempt such a crime?”

Hephaistion remained calm, willing his face not to betray the hurt he felt at such an accusation from such a close friend, “Alexander, you are being unreasonable.” He informed simply, his eyes never leaving the king’s face, “You do not have to worry about such a thing; by now you should be aware of that. I-,” Alexander interrupted, his mind running; the words spilling from his mouth.

“Perhaps I should rid my army of you all and begin afresh with an army I can trust,” He pondered aloud.

“Alexander, if you would just listen, you will hear that I am trying to assure you I-,” Hephaistion was interrupted again.

“Who next?” Alexander demanded suddenly, “Ptolemy and Cassander?” He stepped closer still, their noses almost touching, “Yourself and Cleitus?” Alexander grabbed the neck of Hephaistion’s chiton, swiftly pinning the man against the wall, “Who, Hephaistion?” He demanded, spittle flying out of his mouth.

“Alexander, will you not stop for a moment and think this through?” Hephaistion questioned, attempting to peel the king’s fingers away from his clothing, “You are acting out of paranoia;” Hephaistion explained, “It is understandable, but that does not make it okay.” Hephaistion continued to pull and push a the king’s hands, “The actions of two do not reflect the thought of an entire army. Now,” He huffed, dropping his hands to his sides, “If you would kindly let go of my chiton, we shall sit and speak about this like the adults we are.”

“Kindly?” Alexander questioned as though Hephaistion had just asked him to hand over the world, “Why in Hades should I be kind to any of you if such vulgar thoughts could cross through your minds as easily as they did theirs?” Alexander questioned, his face only millimetres away from Hephaistion’s, “And with you constantly so close to me, should you attempt the same, I would not think twice to trust you. Had it not been for the behaviour of that page, I would not have even been aware of the situation.”

“Alexander, let go of my chiton immediately.” Hephaistion ordered as his hands flew to his king’s once more, attempting to peel the fingers away.

“Who are you to order me around?” Alexander questioned, his hands releasing the material as he stumbled backwards as though Hephaistion had plunged his dagger into the soft flesh of his stomach, hurt flashing across his face, “And why? What are you hiding?” He asked, “What’s in there that I should not know about?”

“There is nothing in there that you should not, or do not, already know about,” Hephaistion sternly assured him, “But that does not mean that I would like my loin cloth and anything underneath in view of anyone who should chose to enter through that door, Alexander.”

“Are you expecting somebody?” Alexander questioned, glancing over his shoulder.

“No, of course not,” Hephaistion shook his head, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the king’s behaviour, “And even if I were, why would they arrive here?”

“You have plans;” Alexander stated, “I can see it in your eyes.”

“All you see in my eyes is frustration,” Hephaistion grumbled as he stepped around the king, set on leaving the tent, “And if you are not going to listen to me, then I see no point in being here and trying to comfort you. When you eventually come to your senses, you know where I’ll be. Until that moment, do not speak to me.” Hephaistion turned, walking towards the door.

“Hephaistion?” The king questioned, not understanding what he had done to upset the man, “Hephaistion, I order you to stop.”

Hephaistion did stop. He turned slowly on the spot, disbelief evident in his face; shadows from the candles giving him an evil glow. “You order me?” He questioned, “You _order_ me?” Anger rose in his voice as he regarded the king. “I am not a eunuch, Alexander; I am not a page. I am, and always have been, your equal, you said that yourself. I too am Alexander, remember? You do not order me to do anything.” He specified angrily, “I am my own free man, you may be my king, but you are not my master.”

“I am your master, Hephaistion;” Alexander stated, clearly delirious and not in control of his speech, but that did not make the blow any less painful to Hephaistion, “Until this had been dealt with you do not leave this room.”

“You are not my master, Alexander;” It was all the general could do to refrain from punching the king, “I do not even want you to be my friend. And I will not follow such ridiculous orders. You have dealt with the situation; those blasphemers have gone.” Hephaistion pointed out, “If this is what Alexander has become, then I do not wish to be Alexander.” And with that, Hephaistion turned on his heel and exited the tent, leaving the king dumbfounded and looking to his Persian eunuch to explain.

**

Hephaistion had been contentedly cleaning his weaponry when the visitors had arrived unannounced; he hadn’t even had chance to stand from his cross-legged position on the Persian carpets before they invited themselves to enter; now here he was, in a petty argument with the pair about a king.

“If you feel this has to be dealt with so urgently, Cassander, take Ptolemy and deal with the king yourself.” Hephaistion stated simply, checking his reflection in his dagger before placing it on the yellow blanket beside him.

“Hephaistion,” Ptolemy stated before Cassander had a chance to speak, “Alexander is your friend; if he is to listen to anyone, it shall be you.” Hephaistion shook his head simply as he reached into his chest and pulled out his sword. “Be reasonable, Hephaistion!” He looked from the weapon to see the pair towering over him with their arms folded across their chests, “You are the only person who stands a chance of a civil conversation with him.”

“I would not hold out much hope of a civil conversation with the king, Ptolemy,” Hephaistion murmured as he returned his attention to the sword in his hands and began cleaning, “Alexander is impossible.” Cassander and Ptolemy shared a look that Hephaistion missed, “I understand something bad has happened, but does that make it okay for Alexander to treat us all like the scum who tried such underhanded treachery? No, Ptolemy, it doesn’t. King or not,” Hephaistion ranted, “He will not talk to me or treat me in such a manner.” Hephaistion’s tone was definitive, but Ptolemy pushed on.

“The army is restless, Hephaistion; without you there to deal with the king, we do not know what is going to happen,” He stated as though he expected Hephaistion to make everything right again, “What if he should abandon us here? We have no maps, we cannot return to Babylon to our families.” Ptolemy pointed out, “Alexander is not in any fit state to lead an army, nor is he in any fit state to be left alone. Hephaistion,” Ptolemy sighed, “You need to talk to him, for his safety and for the safety of the army.”

“I refuse.” Hephaistion was definite, not looking up from his sword.

“Hephaistion!” Cassander explained, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation, “By the Gods, you are the only person in the entire army the king trusts enough to know you will not attempt anything. You must talk to him!”

“I must?” Hephaistion questioned, “I do not think so, Cassander. If you wish to speak to the king, do so yourself. Or speak to Bagoas and have him relay a message.”

“You are being as immature as he is right now, Hephaistion;” Ptolemy huffed, “If you want to be regarded with the same mindset as the king currently, continue with how you’re behaving.” He warned, “Or you could be the Hephaistion we all know and take control of this situation.”

“I attempted to take control of the situation and I was pinned up against the wall for my trouble.” Hephaistion informed the pair, “I refuse to communicate with Alexander until he apologises for his behaviour.” Hephaistion checked his reflection in the sword before continuing. “If you want to speak with him so strongly, go and do so, but leave me out of it.”

“Are you really going to let this happen?” Cassander questioned, attempting to guilt Hephaistion into taking a stand and doing something about the situation, “Alexander will lose his sanity due to paranoia and you’re going to sit there, shining your sword, and let him take a turn for the worst.” Cassander clicked his tongue, “You’re supposed to be his friend, Hephaistion.” When the pair received no response form the general, they turned, leaving the tent and Hephaistion alone.

**

The sun had set in Persia; the heaven’s were peeking through the blanket of darkness when a figure appeared in the doorway of Hephaistion’s tent; aware of the presence Hephaistion froze, hoping that he would blend in with the bed he was lying on in the dim lighting.

“Hephaistion?” The figure questioned with Alexander’s voice and the general pulled his head from the soft pillow it had been resting on and glanced towards him; at this action, Alexander continued, “Do you, perchance, happen to have a spare few moments?” Hephaistion glanced around the room for a moment, hoping to find an excuse not to talk to the king but, finding nothing, he decided simply to refuse to speak. “I wish to speak to you. Hephaistion? Please, Hephaistion, do not ignore me. Arrogance does not flatter you,” He hoped the dig would force the man to speak, but he only received further silence. “Hephaistion, please, speak with me. Hephaistion, I beg of you – surely,” He spoke, hoping he was listening, “You understand that I was only acting out of anger. They attempted to poison me, Hephaistion; surely you cannot blame me for my behaviour. Had you been in that position you -,”

“Had I been in that position,” Hephaistion spoke up suddenly, interrupting the king, “I would have been thankful for any comfort and help I received. I would have held the one who took the time to comfort me in my arms and thanked them profusely. I would have questioned them, yes,” He admitted, “But never would I have accused them of owning such blasphemous thoughts.”

“I wrongly accused you,” Alexander admitted, taking Hephaistion’s communication as an invitation to enter the tent further, “And I understand than now. But I assure you it will never happen again.”

“I can only hop you speak the truth, Alexander, but it is no longer my problem.” Hephaistion’s tone was soft for a moment, “Have Bagoas tend to anything you may need, after all he is your eunuch; you are his master.” Hephaistion’s tone was spiteful.

“Hephaistion, you must understand that I am aware my behaviour was wrong. Can you not find it in your heart to forgive a friend? A lover?”

“You are no longer my friend, Alexander.” Hephaistion stated, “If you cannot trust me completely, then you cannot trust me at all.”

“I was not in the right frame of mind. I apologise, Hephaistion, that my behaviour was out of the ordinary and unacceptable. Now, can you forgive me?” Alexander begged.

“I could.” Hephaistion shrugged, leaning closer into the bed, “Only, you failed to apologise for what is truly upsetting me.”

“I do not know what that is.” Alexander admitted, his eyes finding the floor in shame.

“We are supposed to be friends, Alexander.” Hephaistion indicated to the chair near the door, gesturing for Alexander to sit.

“I am aware, Hephaistion;” Alexander sighed, dropping onto the seat, “I’m trying to make amends.”

“Friends are equal, at least, that’s what I thought,” Hephaistion paused, swallowing the lump in his throat, “You claimed to be my ‘master’, Alexander; that’s what hurt me the most. I always assumed we were equal and you saw me as such. But now, I’m not even sure.”

“What I said was wrong, Hephaistion,” Alexander admitted, “It was wrong of me to speak to you in such a manner and claim such a ridiculous thing. I apologise from the bottom of my heart. Hephaistion, please, say you’ll forgive me.”

“I have but one condition.” The blue-eyed general warned.

  
“Say it.”

“You will not behave in such a manner again; you will always treat me as an equal.”

“I swear by the Gods.” Alexander promised, stepping closer to the bed and regarding Hephaistion before falling into the forgiving, comforting arms of his lover, though he knew it would take some time to win back the heart of Hephaistion completely, he had been the first step towards reconciliation.

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.   
> ibelieveinguardianangels


End file.
